Customer: *whispers* “Could I have six…no, make that eight ladybugs please?”

Me: “You only need eight ladybugs? Or eight boxes? We sell them in boxes of one hundred.”

Customer: “Yes, just eight individual ladybugs. And could you please keep your voice down?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t open a box to give you just eight. The rest would all fly away.”

Customer: “Well, then I’ll take a box. ”

(I ring her up and she takes the box of ladybugs over to one of our picnic tables. She takes one ladybug, whispers to it and then flings it into the air.)

Customer: “HEAR MY WORDS AND DO MY BIDDING!”

(After several more ladybugs have been released she brings the box back over.)

Customer: “I’m not going to need the rest of these. You can keep them here.”

Me: “Ma’am, can I ask what you asked those ladybugs to do for you?”

Customer: “Well, ladybugs eat other bugs, which means they’re meat eaters! So I gave them the names and addresses of people I hate. That way, they can get a swarm of them and attack! If they eat meat then it’s just a matter of time before a whole bunch of them will eat a whole person!”

(I was a customer at a cell phone store, observing the following exchange.)

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but your phone has water damage, which isn’t covered by the warranty. You will have to purchase a new phone.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I haven’t gotten the phone wet!”

Employee: “Have you used the phone in the rain? Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get the internals wet enough to damage the device.”

Customer: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make any sense! Cows are in the rain all the time and they don’t die!”

Employee: “…”

Me: *interjecting* “Sir, cows aren’t electronic devices.”

Customer: *storms out*

Source

This could be one of my customers.